Sunnydale Wonderland
by Norificus
Summary: A normal girl had a crazy Buffy-in-wonderland dream and novelized it. If Kitty Fantastico and MrGordo having a tea party, mad lobster-red office supplies taking off heads and Tweedle… *coughs* Buffy fighting Faith appeals to you, you will love this story!
1. Down The Rabbit Hole

_A dream is a wish your heart makes – Cinderella_

_Dreaming is free- Blondie_

Disclaimer: Buffy belongs to Joss, and Alice in Wonderland belongs to Louis Carroll.

A/N: First fic I've ever posted (but not the first I've written) so be gentle will ya? This story started and finished in my dreams with some parts extended or embellished for your reading pleasure. I was out for about 15 hours and had fallen asleep shortly after reading 'Alice through the Looking Glass.' I hope for my very first literature review, lol. Sorry about spelling and grammer! I have no beta or parental proofreader. Thanks in advance for reading!

Chapter 1 – Down the Rabbit Hole

_I dream about them all the time now. I wake up inside my mind to my night job, slaying vampires. Crazy I know, but I __**almost**__ like it better than my day job: university student extraordinaire, righteous, normal girl. Dunno what Buffy was complaining about all those years. _

I opened my eyes to a white and pastel sort of apartment setting. Immediately I looked down to see who I was or had become. Girl, check. Leather pants, check. Converse shoes, check. Long brown hair, check. And oh! A stake in my right hand. Right.

Congratulations, I thought to myself. Tonight I will be playing myself.

Sometimes, I become a completely different person and quite forget who I am when I am asleep. I made a mental note to remember I am me, in order to be less likely to become confused and become somebody else. After all, I wouldn't want to changes sides from good to evil, you know?

As my vision become clearer I noticed a blonde figure sitting in front of me on the couch, a couch that seemed to be metaphorically swallowing her whole. It had to be Buffy, I thought. Good! My body relaxed. Sometimes it takes an entire dream to find her and get on with things, especially if she is meant to be the main character of the night.

As it sometimes happens in dreams, I received a mental flash of back story. It seemed that I was Buffy's favourite junior slayer, and I was living with her, keeping her company and _**meant**_ to be getting trained. Then, I also remember how everyone was against her right now. I was the only one who had stood by her. Willow, Xander, Spike and even Giles had abandoned her. Moving closer, with a gasp I saw exactly why this was so.


	2. Pastel Themed Glass House

Chapter 2 –Pastel Themed Glass House

Buffy was fat. No, not 'oops-I-accidentally-gorged-on-the-cookies-and-cream-icecream-last-night-and-gained-a-few-pounds fat'. She had _**seriously**_ let herself go, to the point where she was clearly in no shape for slaying. Standing in front of her gave me a full of this, unlike the back of her head that I had previously been staring at.

"Hey Buffy!" I said a little too brightly. She barely moved, except to take another drink out of the bottle of Jack Daniels and seemed to fail to acknowledge my presence at all. Suddenly, Giles' words echoed loudly in my head serving as a voiceover.

"Buffy has developed a strong fondness for the drink and doing nothing," he said sternly. "Until she gets over this phase, I'm afraid she cannot return to Slayer Central."

Naturally, I was perplexed. Buffy is usually pretty much my hero, while I am both asleep and awake. I vaguely tried to remember my 'other life.' Never in my life have I dreamed of her like this before. She has always been strong, radiant and powerful with the 'battle ready' dream music and lighting following her everywhere she went. I sighed.

"Coming out to slay, Buffy?" You see, I was trying to make _**something**_ of this dream. Heaven forbid I wake up without at least one good slay. No response at all from Buffy.

Suddenly, hearing an enormous crashing and banging, I turned around.

There were no longer any proper walls, we were now in a glass house pastel themed apartment. How Odd, I thought. Stranger still, was the immense number of demons crawling around the glass walls, throwing dead bodies of humans against them, covering the glass with blood and grinning evilly and triumphantly like they knew we were already beaten. It was then, that I understood perfectly what my mission tonight was. Without Buffy's slaying expertise, the demon population had risen beyond control and I must stop them and be the hero of this piece. Trust me, I am not often the hero of my dreams (I consider myself a humble person, you know?) A light bulb went off in my head. I _**could**_ save Sunnydale! I knew just who I had to find. I just hoped I didn't wake up before I could make a difference.


	3. Slayer B and Five By Five

Chaper 3-Slayer B and Five By Five

Okay, so maybe I just wanted to find Faith. Think about it though, with _**the**_ slayer down it makes sense to find another to fill the void though doesn't it? I reasoned like this with myself seriously, for some time as I made my way to where I assumed Faith was hanging out: The beach. That's the problem with dreams, really. Sometimes you do stupid things and waste a lot of time trying to find a bad-ass-too-cool-for-you slayer prancing about in the waves or sunbathing and adding to her care- factor- of- zero tan, like I might have found myself doing, had I been looking for me. Asking apartment owners and lifeguards whether they knew where Faith is, like she was as common and universally found as a drinking fountain, didn't seem to be helping either. I was not ready to give up though. While the beach was illuminated with bright golden sunlight…one step beyond into city limits was middle of the night style darkness and literally crawling with vampires. Although, a large hotel in the distance was also bathed in sunlight.

"Curiouser and Curiouser!" I said aloud to myself.

A marching band procession comprising completely of flamboyant flamingos happened on by, and I of course asked the big question.

"Where's Faith?" I demanded, quite forgetting my manners. You see, I was getting more and more involved in the idea that SHE was the answer to the apocalypse.

I've always been on Faiths side of any dispute, even when she had clearly made mistakes. I'd go blue in the face before I stopped believing in her and ceased giving her my devoted support. She is just as much of a hero to me as Buffy is.

"Go Team Faith go!" As I was thinking this, I soon realized I had uttered it out loud and the leader of the marching band had decided it was catchy enough to be the words for a new theme song.

"GO TEAM FAITH!" Bellowed the flamingos.

"Oh yeah?" I said feeling rather bored of them already but still seeing the potential in their cry to alert Faith I was looking for her.

"Where's the 76 bloody trombones?" I remarked, and no sooner had the words left my mouth, 76 elephants with their trunks twisted into the shape of trombones (which I thought looked quite silly indeed) went on by honking to their marching bands tune.

"Bloody Hell!" I remarked and then tensed, afraid that I was perhaps turning into Spike. I looked down. No, I had not changed. How horrible it would be, I thought if I did begin to resemble him. I should hate to be attracted to myself which I think it would be very odd indeed. The very last elephant (as there were 76 of them all moving slowly) took quite a while to arrive and told me that Miss Kitty Fantastico knows where Faith is.

"Thanks goodness," I breathed, "But where shall I find _**her**_?" I asked anxiously.

"Recite me a rhyme and I shall tell you." said the elephant.

"Very well." I agreed and drew myself up to full height and began.

'_How doth Captain Peroxide,_

_Improve his bleached blonde hair?_

_When he cannot use a mirror,_

_And to ask suggests he cares?_

_He….'_

"NO, that is utter NONSENSE!" interrupted the elephant. "You must recite something better, that is unacceptable!"

"Okay." I replied nervously and began again, surprised at the words that seemed to be tumbling from my mouth.

'_Five by Five and Slayer B were spoiling for a fight,_

'_Cause Slayer B said Five was __**wrong**__ and B was very __**right**__._

_Later on, B came to see, young Five by Five at home,_

_And they began to battle, with almost no will of their own._

_B stabbed at Five who almost died, _

_And this was far from moral._

_And it shocked B, to the point where she,_

_Soon quite forgot their quarrel.'_

After I had finished he nodded in approval.

"Well." He said after a pause, "I would expect Miss Kitty would be more in that direction." He pointed his trumpeting trunk towards the onslaught of vampires in the darkness. I nodded, reaching for my stake. I had a feeling I would certainly be needing it.


	4. The Slayer and the Vampire

Chapter 4- The Slayer and the Vampire

Miss Kitty was not particularly hard to find, especially as there were signposts everywhere marked 'To the residence of Miss Kitty Fantastico,' and a bright fluorescent path with paw prints leading the way.

When I found her, I was not expecting to see at her side Mr Gordo, a larger-than-life stuffed pig, who was guzzling tea and sugar cubes as fast as I imagined Buffy had been guzzling _**everything**_ in sight for the past _**several**_ months. By the way, I should mention that the fight to get there was most enjoyable. I _**told**_ you that I enjoy a good slay, it certainly spices up ones life after a long arduous day of lectures and testing, you know?

I guess Faith and I are similar in that way. Oh! Faith, of course!

"Do you know where she is?" I asked the cat, not even bothering to say _**who**_ it was I was looking for, as the cat was dressed in seer/fortune teller themed clothes, so I assumed she knew about everybody's business. Mr Gordo kept sneezing, presumably from the amount of pepper Miss Kitty was throwing in his tea as she spoke and advised me to look in the 'Hotel Correctional Facility' and then I would find her.

"She killed another, by accident again." Miss Kitty told me.

"AT-CHOO AT-CHOO!" sneezed Poor Mr Gordo interrupting everyone.

"Oh do stop Mr. Gordo! You will sneeze out your stuffing and then what will become of you!" I spoke to him very worriedly and patted his red sneezed-out-snout as I did so.

I was quite fond of Gordo. Buffy (when she was herself) had often brought him to our slayer sleepovers designed to have an agenda of discussing boys, battle tactics and eating low fat yogurt. But that is quite another story, we must remain on the present one.

"She killed another?" I repeated turning back to Miss Kitty and then immediately stuck up for my hero. "Well, it's not _**HER**_ fault you know!" I said defending her. "When it's vamps, vamps, vamps _**everywhere**_ people just get in the line of fire! It can't be helped if there is a slip of the stake! And Faith is sorry, she shouldn't be punished again."

Miss Kitty seemed to ignore my outburst. "Do you want to hear a poem?" she asked me.

"I suppose I might." I agreed.

"Ah. It is called 'The Slayer and the Vampire'." she said and with that she began to recite.

'_The Slayer and a Vampire,_

_Were walking close in trust. _

_The vamp was glad, she did not want him, _

_Quantities of dust. _

_But her wept like anything to know,_

_She would not return his lust._

_If evil is pent and gifts are sent,_

_He thought, in half a year._

_She might believe his worthiness,_

_He cried and shed a tear._

"_The time has come," the Slayer said,_

"_To talk of many things,_

_Of demons, vamps and hellgods,_

_And not of sex and flings._

_I'll not admit, I find you hot._

_And that I have feelings!"_

_And she never told, till the final fight,_

_But he could not believe her song._

_And this was scarcely odd because, _

_She'd waited far too long.'_

"That was a very sad story." I remarked when she was done.

"Maybe so…" drawled Miss Kitty beginning to smile more than a little bit wider.

"Miss Kitty?" I said her name afraid, "You're getting kinda creepy here." Miss Kitty only smiled wider. "And _**hey**_! Aren't you supposed to be dead anyway? There was that crossbow thing wasn't there?" That lessened Miss Kitty's smile slightly.

"Maybe you brought me back." she said, cleverly reminding me that I was indeed still dreaming, as by this point I had become so involved that I had nearly forgotten this.

"A cat may look at a king!" I blurted desperately trying to say something intelligent back. Miss Kitty grinned again.

"My dear, that was utter nonsense!" she purred.

"I know." I admitted dejectedly. "You truly are a far wiser cat than I."

And with that and a fleeting glance back at Mr Gordo, whom I would have dearly loved to have taken with me, I left the cat and pig and followed a nearby sign that read 'To the hotel.'

_I have the majority of the story written but not typed, so tell me to keep typing it up and updating if you like it!_


	5. Finding Faith

I got my very first review! It totally made my day.

It just gets weirder from here… But what else would you expect from a dream? :)

By the way, I'm just rewording poems in Alice in Wonderland to fit with the plot.

I've done Tweedledum and Tweedledee and The Walrus and the Carpenter so far and there's a couple more to come in the next chapters...

"Bollocks!" I swore as I saw Willow and Xander near the entrance of the hotel, and immediately covered my mouth, shocked at my own Spike-like language. Were they trying to rescue Faith too or were they responsible for helping put her there in the first place?

I pondered this, and decided I couldn't risk a confrontation now, as I was getting pretty antsy about this dream. I literally _**feared**_ waking up at this point, _**without**_ having made a difference to the apocalypse. Stay asleep, stay asleep I chanted over and over in my head as I crept past them and made my way up the hotel stairs. It had quite a fancy interior. One would never have guessed it held a 'correctional facility' within it somewhere. It looked like a place one might go if they wished to have an expensive holiday.

Suddenly, I felt myself growing _**much**_ taller, up and up. I went higher and higher through the roof which I plucked off like it made of LEGO pieces as I went. Now, the hotel looked almost like an ant farm. I hoped Willow and Xander did not look up, because at this rate they surely could _**not**_ possibly miss seeing me, as I stood out so much. I also did not particularly want to have to crush them like bugs if they turned out to not be on my side of the fight. Then, I had the bright idea to search every room for Faith.

Being this tall was quite useful for this task, as I could see everything without moving a muscle. Pretty soon I found her and just in time too, for I was shrinking again rapidly. Hastily replacing the roof and returning to normal size, I ran as fast as my legs would carry me into the room where I had seen Faith tied to a chair and looking as if she was very much in pain.


	6. AEIOU

Thanks for reviewing! Keep them coming!

Freud says dreams reveal unconscious desires. I'd hate to think what this one means…lol.

"Faith!" I bolted into the room screaming at the top of my lungs, despite recalling Buffy's teachings in our training sessions when she had explained to me that screaming and giving oneself away is pretty much a big 'no-no,' so to speak.

Divide, stealth and conquering would have been a far better plan I know, but at any rate I was just glad to not have been loud enough to actually awaken myself as a result of the sheer volume of my excitement.

Granted, I _**had**_ surprised the many 'workers' who were guarding Faith and performing various tasks throughout the room and they had all dropped what they were doing and were now scuttling about in _**fright**_ trying to gather back up their projects, while keeping a watchful eye on me.

Faith however, had not moved at all, or looked up from the book she was staring at with a strained expression. I began to finally understand, this was a _**mind control**_ facility.

"You're brainwashing her? I accused "To…what…?" I trailed off and moved closer to see what it was she was staring at. "A literacy book?" I said incredulous watching her slowly and deliberately copying out simple words from each one and seeing the enormous pile of similar workbooks behind her. "What the hell is this? You're training her to be a LIT major?" I decided this was _**very**_ bad judging from Faiths appearance. Obviously some form of torture had also been going on, perhaps when she had resisted teachings. She had cuts and bruises all over her body, and she was very thin and pale, with a dazed expression on her face as is she had no slept in weeks.

"AEIOU" Faith droned miserably beside me.

It kind of scared me to see her like this so I hugged her to me. (What? If you suddenly saw your idol Eliza Dushku right there before you in the flesh you'd do the same thing!)

After a while, she returned the hug with the desperation and loneliness of someone who had not had _**human**_ contact in months. Oh? I didn't mention that the 'workers' I mentioned before were all _**oversized walking and talking pencils?**_ (Yeah, I think I'm getting a bit burned out with all the assignments I have right now thus _**writing utensils**_ making a feature in my dreams)

I turned to Faith "You remember me?" I whispered to her and she shook her head sadly. I knew I had to get her out of here… now. But before I could, all the workers straightened up in fear – how a pencil could become noticeably straighter I do not know.

They all screamed "SHE'S COMING! OH GOD NO!" and ran round in circles practically falling over themselves.

"Bloody hell." I said quickly untying the dazed and weakened Faith and putting her behind me, keeping a hold of her hand ready to pull her away to safety from whatever awful thing that could appear. I knew, that if she could only remember who she was then she would help me _**fight**_ whoever was to come through the door that the pencils were staring at in fear. "Five by FIVE!" I whispered to her shaking her slightly. "Buffy. FAITH! Please remember who you are!"

She just looked at me blankly. I sighed and got into a fighting stance.

It was then that the true villain of this dream appeared. For any good story, there has to be a villain. I mean, think about it. Where would we be without Maleficent, Ursula, Scar or Jafar? Without evil characters in existence we wouldn't be able to distinguish the good characters from the bad and _**everyone**_ would all be the same. Huh? What has Disney villains got to do with this? More nonsense, I thought.

In moments I was introduced to something far scarier than all people I mentioned put together.

In a flash, as it glided through the door, I was partially blinded by a bright _**red**_ pencil sharpener that was glaring evilly at its subjects and gulp me. The blade it had was looking rather sharp too.

"THE QUEEN!" The pencils hissed her name and shrank back in fear.


	7. Off With Their Heads!

_I've had exams so I've been slow to update. But they will be over soon!_

Now the Queen, as I soon found out, had a strong fondness of shouting 'off with their heads!' and sharpening her subjects to the point where they did indeed lose their heads. This process I found to be possibly the most grotesque thing I have ever seen in my life, asleep or awake, and I have seen a good many horror movies. But until you have seen a pencil screaming in terror as his head is chiseled off by a gigantic evil laughing Red Queen Sharpener then you have seen nothing at all. The sound of grinding wood will remain in your ears, long after the pencil has drawn its last breath. This was a consequence faced by many pencils who had their tie out of place, or had a wobbly bow as they bowed down to the Queen as she approached. (Think how **hard** this would have been for them in the first place)

Willow, Xander AND SPIKE took the opportunity then to rush in and from their stunned expression they clearly knew nothing about this and were therefore **not** responsible for Faith being here!

"Bollocks!" I shouted, surprising everyone including Spike. "We have to get out of here now!" I gestured to Faith behind me and it seemed like they understood.

"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" Bellowed the Queen. "THIS WILL NOT DO!" She followed us out of the door as we ran out, moving surprising fast for someone who's bottom region is quite flat. The pencils moved much faster though, and swarmed around us as we as we ran through the hotel turning corners and getting _**completely**_ lost. Faith was terrified and was moving as slowly as someone who had _**probably**_ been living on pencil shavings for the past four months might. I had to half _**drag**_ her and as soon as we were out of sight and all exhausted after running so long, I pulled everyone into a nearby supply closet. Bad move.

Or Was it? After all, what else is meant to reside in supply closets but office _**supplies**_ which were _**clearly**_ the big bad of this seasons dream. Luckily for us, the only 'supplies' though that were in here were all erasers – and erasers as a general rule are very lethargic and slow and these ones in particular were no exception. They did not budge an inch and seemed to be snoring. Suddenly, in the close proximity of the closet, I felt eyes on me looking at me intently. "Spike?" I asked. He nodded.

Now this was a surprise, usually every dream I have he only has eyes for Buffy. Well! I guess in her current state I must be looking pretty good to him.

World to save, and a homicidal pencil sharpener aside, I was damn well going to enjoy the next few moments!


	8. Hungry and Horny

_Anyone else notice Giles seems to get knocked on his head a lot in the show? Hahahaha._

I'll spare you the details, cause I'm not like Anya who has to share every sex-capade she's ever had- numerous times. Not that there was actual sex or anything, removing face out of the gutter now.

But kissing Spike was wonderful. It all got a little graphic for my righteous little dream-brain so I guess that's why there was extreme pixilation of any parts that one might be able to see. (Who could resist James Marsters – seriously)

"Bloody hell!" We said together at the end of it both looking rather pleased with ourselves. Around us, Willow, Xander and Faith were frozen in place… with a spell?

No, in total _**shock**_. Sorry. Although Faith was still too out of it to really notice or care.

"Back to the task at hand then?" Spike asked embarrassed.

"YES PLEASE!" said Willow and Xander together relieved and although barely 15 minutes had passed since we had stepped into the supply closet, they sure were glad to get out.

I began a funny rhyme that had popped into my head all of a sudden to lighten the mood.

'"_You are old, Watcher Giles."_

_The Young Slayer said,_

"_And you say you want in, on this fight,_

_But yet you consistently land on your head._

_Do you think at your age it is right? Is right?_

_Do you think at your age this is right?"_

Sure enough they laughed hysterically, which unfortunately must have enabled the Red Queen to find us as she was waiting for us around the next corner. She drew back ready to roar.

"OFF…WITH!" she began and I quickly whispered to willow that she was a 'sodding witch,' not bothering to clamp my hand over my mouth this time as I was too busy for manners. "Set her on fire or _**something**_" I hissed.

"….THEIR HEADS!" the Queen finished just as Willow sent a bolt of fire the Queens way.

"AAAGGGH!" She yelled as she and the entire room was illuminated in dancing red flames, almost the colour of the Queen herself.

To avoid being severely burned I realized there was only enough time for two to go through the door (strange, I know. But that's how it happened.)

I shoved Willow and Xander in that direction and thankfully they took the hint, while Faith and I dramatically jumped through the window.

Well actually, I dragged Faith through the window and tried my best to break her fall. The impact seemed to improve her memory condition though, and seeing sudden recognition in her eyes I started again.

"Five by five? Hungry and horny?" I asked her hopefully.

Faith just grinned and hugged me as tightly as her bruised arms would allow.

"Thanks for rescuing me kid! God, I've missed you. You're my favorite of the slayer brats." **See** I knew I was her favorite. I was so relieved that she remembered who she was. Now we could finally go see to that pesky vampire problem. Oh, after I buy Faith some dinner – enough intended for a couple hundred. Scratch that, actually. We don't want our second slayer obese.


	9. Red Queen Willow

After Faith had eaten and was looking a lot better and more like her bad-ass slayer self, we met up with Willow and Xander again. I guess Spike had wandered off somewhere by himself.

On our way back to Sunnydale we passed the hotel and outside there were many very dejected pencils standing outside.

"We've lost our Queen!" they all moaned. "Who will lead us and boss us around?"

I was confused. "But wasn't living with the Queen awful, since she kept… you know?"

I put my fingers to my neck in an execution type motion.

"We were built to obey! We are loyal subjects, we need to be loyal and subjectified to truly belong in this world!" they cried in an anguished unison.

In a flash, I was hit with perhaps the best idea I had ever had.

Asleep _**OR**_ awake.

I whispered it in Faith's ear to make sure it wasn't impossible.

"Yes!" She said. "That is quite propitious!"

I winced. All through dinner and up to now, Faith had been using simply enormous words that no-one had any hope of understanding.

"Oh, did I do it again?" Faith apologized. "Wicked plan." She corrected herself.

"S'okay Faith." I said, "Fault of the crazy sharpeners brainwashing."

"Yes…speaking of…" she said gesturing to the pencils inviting me to initiate my 'wonderful' idea.

"Pencils." I addressed them, "Or loyal subjects. Whichever you prefer, I added grandly."

"…We wanna make you a proposition!" Faith interrupted, seeming impatient.

"Yeah." I agreed confused by her words, "A preposition to…"

"NO NO NO!" Faith cried in horror "A preposition in literacy is when you…" I shushed her, gently putting a hand over her mouth. God, what torment had she suffered?

Noticing my look of sympathy, she looked away.

"It's no big, kid. Don't worry about me." She muttered looking at her feet.

Unable to control myself any longer (who _**knows**_ how long I had left in dreamland) I burst out to the pencils. "We want to become your Queens!"

"And King!" Xander piped up.

"Preposterous!" said a subject, "You must be _**RED**_ for that. We do not obey you white skinned people.

"Anyone care to get really embarrassed or something?" Xander quipped.

"If only Buffy was here." I joked back. We all laughed, although I felt bad for Buffy. I should be helping her somehow. I pushed it out of my mind.

"What about Willow?" Faith said suddenly. "Check out that _**RED**_ hair. My nickname for her is even 'Red'." She said proudly.

"Will she do?" I asked the pencils anxiously. They discussed it among themselves.

"Well…" one started, "We do desperately need a Queen, and there isn't much on offer." he said looking around as 76 _**purple**_ trumpeting elephants went past. "So we will accept you." They said bowing before Willow, as their new Queen.

"YAY!!" Willow said with glee. "OH. I mean. Ahem. Kneel, bow and worship me. Whatever. Uhhh. What do we need them for? She asked confused turning to me.

"THEY WILL BE OUR ULTIMATE WEAPON!" I said excitedly. "The Sunnydale vampire problem will be no more with these giant 'stakes' working in our favour. Why, we could stake 10 at a time this way!"

"Yeah!" said Xander catching on. "These babies will sure pack a punch!"

"Vamps will run a mile." Willow added, and grinned almost like Miss Kitty had done.

"Willow?" I began.

"What is it?" she asked me, he face changing back into the normal Willow I knew.

"Never mind!" I said. "Lets lead these 'fearless warriors' into battle!"


	10. Synchronized Slaying

As we marched into the darkness we were greeted by scores of the undead hissing and spitting for all they were worth.

"SLAYYYERS!" was the collective unison. I approached one of them intending on taunting it by saying something clever.

"Hey!" I said looking him in the eye and said threateningly, "Why is a vampire like a writing desk?" Oops. That so didn't come out right, even 'hey big boy' would have worked better than that.

He looked confused for a moment and I took the opportunity to grab an enormous pencil behind him.

"That's why!" I announced triumphantly staking him, having _**no**_ bloody idea what I was talking about.

Most of the pencils were now staking without aid, doing funny jumps in the air to stake the horrified vampires. Willow was setting vamps on fire at a rapid rate. She was definitely the most violent person here, even including Faith.

We were getting closer to Buffy's glass house. I wonder if she is watching us, I thought to myself trying to forget how much I missed Buffy and being able to fight at her side.

Xander was hiding behind Willow with a pencil firmly under his arm, maneuvering it to stake the strays.

Suddenly a song came into my head, more like a voiceover really, but it seemed to sum up the battle quite well or perhaps narrate it. I began to stake to the rhythm of it.

I'll tell you how it went, but as I was staking while listening, (vampires aren't exactly quiet, you know) I'm hardly likely to get it exactly right.

'"_Will you slay a little faster?"_

_Said the Dark One to the Light._

"_There's a vampire right behind you,_

_And he's looking for a bite!_

_See how eagerly your friends are,_

_Helping slay with all their might._

_Will you, won't you, will you, won't you,_

_Help me fight?"'_

I guess 'the dark one' meant the 'dark slayer Faith' as she is sometimes called.

And the light? I guess that must be me. Faith wanted _**me**_ to slay faster I thought to myself, looking round and spotting her lifted completely off her feet by a simply enormous demon, who had a hand wrapped round her throat.

Furiously, I aimed a roundhouse at his head and it connected with a sickening crack.

He whirled on me and we began a serious of complicated ninja-style fighting moves that I certainly cannot perform during waking hours.

He roared "I put one slayer out of business, I shall conquer the rest!"

"You did something to B?" Faith asked from her position on the ground where she was gasping and spluttering from the demon almost choking her and then dropping her after I kicked it in the head.

Naturally, I was pretty pissed off too. "You made Buffy fat? _**AND**_ an alcoholic?" I screeched tackling him to the ground and punching him repeatedly.

"OFF. WITH. YOUR. HEAD!" I yelled punctuating each word with a blow to his head.

Faith staggered to her feet and moved to my side just as I was finally able to violently snap its neck. "I've been hanging round sharpeners too long." I moaned disgustedly.

Faith hi-fived me. "Good job kid, I'm proud of ya." she said.

And together we joined the others and staked like we had never staked before, aiming for the few remaining vampires, although most were retreating and the sun was gradually coming out, signifying that the balance between good and evil was restored.

"We did it!" I shouted laughing. "Slayer Central Team, one. Vampires, zero." I announced as Faith and the others lifted me high into the air in victory!


	11. Normal Again

We made our way back to Buffy's glass pastel house and I was completely astonished when she ran out, normal size to meet us. Willow and Xanders eyes were bugging out also, but Faith looked undisturbed. I guess she missed Buffy's sudden case of obesity.

"Hey B." she said waving to her. Buffy greeted her back and ran to me.

"You saved me!" she said happily, hugging me in a slayer-like grip. "You took off the huge demons head that turned me into a fat person, and you broke the spell! I've missed you guys so much!" she trailed off seeing me go purple.

"Can't…breathe…here…Buffy." I managed, "Nice…to..see you too."

"Oh sorry." Buffy laughed releasing me. "I'm just a little crazy today."

"Everyone's mad here." Xander quipped.

Everyone laughed and moved into a victory group hug (even Faith with some persuasion) and then we walked into Slayer Central, as it had so conveniently appeared in front of us.

There was a massive bed in the middle of the room. I sighed, understanding what this meant.

"I got to go now." I said sadly.

They nodded in understanding. (It happens this way every time)

"See ya soon, kid." Faith said softly.

"Yeah, tomorrow right?" added Buffy squeezing my hand in sympathy. (It must be like I'm dying to them or something.)

"We'll look for you. You sure came through for us tonight." Spike added, from where he had mysteriously just appeared from in the corner, still looking slightly embarrassed.

"I love you guys!" I called out giving Spike a meaningful glance and climbing into the enormous bed and closing my eyes.

"We love you too!" they all chorused. I felt myself spinning as I slipped away from them and their calls of 'be seeing you' became softer and softer.

I began to hear a low chant. Oh? Someone is telling me what they are doing, I thought understanding it perfectly.

'_Twas neeling, in the Spuffy rug_

_Did neath and devore-en in the you_

_All whimsy, were the whitchyloves_

_And wickedcool out-slew._

"_Beware the First my child!_

_And the Ubers that bite and feed!_

_And the Bringers that knife away your life,_

_Into battle, you must lead!"'_

Well, Spike and Buffy are doing it!

I smiled. I knew I wouldn't have him for very long. I said this out loud, completely not offended. The second line was far more puzzling.

"From beneath you, it devours?" I translated. What on earth does that mean?

Oh! And it looks like Tara's back and Faith's gone out slaying to be a loner and get away from all the sex! Can't say I blame her, I said laughing.

The second verse also baffled me. I have to tell them about this first, I stressed and tried to fight my way back. But it was too late.

Back to reality, I thought as the spinning and falling feeling finally came to an abrupt halt and I opened my eyes.


	12. Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

As my eyes became accustomed to the light, I looked down to see my Mr Gordo plush was still being held tightly in my arms.

"Don't you get near the pepper today, Mr Gordo." I whispered to him, clutching him tighter, smiling at the adventure we had just…well…partially shared.

I tried to ignore my blaring alarm and my mother's urgent voice.

"GET UP! You've overslept for hours!" she called.

Dragging myself upright to my feet and telling myself I'd warn them tonight, I put on some clothes and as I passed my mother she said to me. "Heard you talking in your sleep last night. Were you dreaming?"

"Nah." I lied. For some reason I keep my secret life hidden away somewhere close to my heart. Maybe to keep from being sent to therapy. I laughed.

I have to stay awake and alert today I told my reflection as I passed a mirror on my way out. After all, it's no good telling my history teacher that I'm too tired to recite important dates as a result of a big night of slaying vampires.

Yep. That's right up there with dogs eating homework, I thought tying my shoelaces and officially leaving the Buffyverse behind for the day.

**THE END.**

So, I had a lot of fun writing this up! I'd love to get more reviews too, good or bad :)

Thanks for making it to the end of this story, I hope you liked it.


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